Today’s topic of conversation is going to be sizzling—“Three Words Men Want to Hear During Sex.” So many couples struggle with really connecting to their spouse during sex, during that very passionate moment that is all about connecting. You have the biggest opportunity to speak powerful, intimate words that can change your husband or partner’s life. You’re going to want to share this post with every woman you know, and you all will see your men light up.
I know there are probably some men reading this hoping I got it right, but guys trust me, I got this one. Ladies, I want to talk to you. Most of you are probably married or in a long-term relationship and having sex on a regular basis. Men are wired totally different than women. I think by now you know that, but you don’t know exactly how they’re wired. Sometimes you’re so far apart and all you need is language or a tool to bridge that gap and meet each other.
There are a lot of of studies that say how much men supposedly think about sex. It’s probably true that men think about sex quite a bit. And women think about intimacy quite a bit. There’s nothing wrong with that. We want to be connected. Men are quite physical and they really do enjoy sex. It is something that makes us feel amazing, physiologically—the relaxation afterwards.
You ladies don’t experience this, but after an orgasm, we men get a chemical released in our brain that actually puts us to sleep. Thank God, otherwise we might want to go again and again and again. A lot of things happen to our body during sex that makes us feel amazing. It makes us feel attached to you. It makes us feel like life is good. We really do enjoy that connection, but sometimes we don’t really get to be connected. Sometimes the wife is disconnected during sex. Maybe she’s hurt or angry, and so she can’t be fully participating, and that feels very empty and alone for us men.
Sometimes she just doesn’t want sex because she has other issues going on, and we have a post on “Why My Wife Doesn’t Want to Have Sex With Me.” Ladies, if that’s you, you definitely want to read that one because I go through several reasons that may be legitimate with depression, low thyroid, low testosterone, and other things that could be going on. That could be an issue. It could be that your husband’s immature. It could be that there are factors like he doesn’t help you around the house, so you’re aggravated with him. You don’t want to be all in because you don’t feel he’s all in. Those feelings of hurt and resentment can pile up and they will definitely show up in the bed.
However, some of you just want to take your husband to another level. I’m going to share with you three words that will do that if you use them right. It will stay with him. What you say during sex stays with a man for many, many hours, sometimes days, so you really want to be wise about the words you choose. I’m not talking about dirty talk. I’m talking about words that can really empower and strengthen your partner. They will keep you bonded to each other and keep him wanting to connect to you at a deeper level. Its really, really fun.
When you’re having sex, your partner is the most vulnerable to you he ever can be, physiologically, psychologically, and spiritually. That is the window where he has no protection against you. When you’re silent during that window, it will feel like tolerance. If that’s your normal, that will build resentment inside of his heart and he will get passive aggressive with you. He might not pick up after himself. He might treat you disrespectfully, because he feels disdained during the most intimate moment you share together. Maybe you like to be quiet, but I can tell you, quiet’s probably not working for him because quiet makes him have to think of something: some voice, or some image that makes him disconnect from who you are, your voice, your eyes, and your face.
You want him to attach to you because those chemicals of attachment are huge. He will either attach to you, your face, your eyes with what you’re saying, or he will have to create something to feel the psychological and the spiritual aspects of sexuality are being met. If he has to meet them in a false way, he will, but preferably, he would rather have it be your voice and your passion. That just imprints on his whole body. He can’t get away from what you do during sex. If it’s silence or if it’s tolerance, it affects him. If the words or behaviors you use are, “I don’t want to be here, hope this is good for you,” and you are kind of just letting him have sex with you and not making love to him, that’s going to hurt him, you, and your relationship. He will, in some way, retaliate from that kind of sexual neglect. It’s abusive to just lie there. That’s unkind and very self-absorbent.
I want to share with you these three words and then explain to you the power of these words. Women will tend to say the words they want to hear. Men rarely doubt their wife or partner loves them. I don’t know what it is, but we kind of psychologically are stable there. Generally speaking, unless you’re cheating, lying, or trying to play a jealous game with him or something, we think you love us. We know we’re flawed, but we know you love us, you care, and you’re there for us. Those are not the words we really have a need to hear.
These three words rock men sexually—“I want you.” Men have no question about your love for them, but what they do question, with the children, your schedule, your work, your workout, your entertainment, your communities, your family, all that you have going on, do you still want me? Am I still wanted by you? Most men have never heard that they’re wanted sexually, during sex.
When you’re having a sexual encounter with your partner and he starts moving towards excitement, let him know, “I want you. I love all of you. I want more of you.” The word “more” is very powerful for a lot of men as well. That word all by itself has a lot of power because it means, “You want me. You want all of me. You want me emotionally, spiritually, physically. You want the gift I have for you. You desire me.”
I don’t know if you’ve ever given a gift to someone and they open it and look at you like, “what’d you give me this for?” That’s kind of what it feels like when a woman is empty sexually towards you verbally. You want to be verbally active during making love ladies. It is the most important time. If you really want to be heard, I can tell you, that’s when you will be heard. You want to be remembered, and what you say during sex will be remembered. You don’t have to format it exactly, “I want you,” but as long as you are getting across, “I want you, more of you. I want to be with you sexually,” it will take your husband’s sexual experience way up. His level of satiation will elevate, his level of intensity, because now, you’re making love to his soul. You’re making love to his heart. You’re making love to his spirit. His body is releasing all of that connectivity, and it is mind blowing. I can tell you being wanted by my wife, lover, friend, Lisa is the most powerful thing. She can totally wipe me out. I am a Type A personality. I go a hundred miles an hour all the time, getting things done. But I can tell you, when Lisa connects with me, and gives me that “want” communication during sex, she has the ability to totally fry me, totally wipe me out. That’s how intense being wanted, being heard that you’re wanted during sex is for men.
Ladies, I really want to encourage you with this podcast. I’ve been sharing this idea for well over twenty years. It has changed sex lives all over the globe. Apply this to your life. Definitely share this with your other lady friends so they’re having great sex as well. Do this and then write a review. Go to loveandsextoday.com, subscribe there, and write a review. Or, let your husband write a review and share how this changed your sex life. We would also love to hear a question from you. One of you who write a review will receive a private conversation with me, where we can accelerate an area of your life. Also on our website, you can find a free chapter to one of my books. I hope that you take this to heart and actually apply this. Remember, always have great love, great sex today.
This topic and more are covered in Dr. Weiss’ book, The 5 Sex Languages, which is available for purchase at http://www.drdougweiss.com/5-sex-languages.