Today’s conversation is going to be really fun. Guys, you’re going to love this. Ladies, if you’re reading, you’re going to think I’m a genius. I am going to share with you the three words every woman wants to hear during sex. Women and men are so different in this particular area, so you want to listen to this, and you definitely want to share and make comments.
Now I know some of you ladies are reading this, and I’m very happy to have you reading this because I know I have shared this with tens of thousands of women across the world, and they all verify that I am right on. I’ve had so many men come up and tell me when they did what I actually told them to do, and said these three words to their wife, in the different ways I tell them to, they actually have seen a transformation in their wife, sexually. They have touched their wife, sexually, in a way they never have. They’ve bonded in a way they never have before.
Men, if you’re reading, you are going to get an education today. I want you to understand I’ve been counseling women for almost thirty years. Every week I am talking to women privately about sexuality, and they tell me so many powerful things. They tell me what they hear, what they want to hear, what works for them, what doesn’t work for them, the pain they’ve been in, and what they really desire from their husbands.
Men, before I share these three words with you, I need to get you out of the gutter for a minute because I’m not talking about dirty talk. I’m not talking about three magic words that you saw on a porn tape. Those are actors, and many times, there are bad circumstances in their lives that are causing them to do those things. So this is not a porn presentation. I actually don’t think that’s a good way to participate in sexuality at all. It’s very hedonistic.
I believe in sexuality involving spirit, soul, and body. I believe in a whole person’s sex, because I know the difference. I know what it’s like to be trapped in the past. I’m a recovering sex addict, and I’ve been clean for over thirty years. I know what it’s like to have whole-person sex with my wife, to be totally satiated, unable to even think about anything else, and be happy. I know what it’s like to make my wife happy and for her to feel connected.
I want you to have those experiences, so I want you to automatically erase the ideas that your wife or partner wants to hear things that are berating or belittling about her body. It’s okay to say things about her beauty. A mature woman in a committed relationship or marriage wants to be really connected sexually. She wants something from you that you don’t know. I’m going to tell you that secret, but before I do, I want to give you men a reference point that will help you understand this better.
As a man, there is a place in your heart that only your dad can talk to. Only your dad can say, “I’m proud of you” and it gives you indestructible feelings. Only your dad can say, “I love you. You’re awesome, you’re powerful, you’re smart. I’m proud of you,” and when he speaks that into your heart, it changes your life. It makes you able to do whatever is in front of you because we’re made, as men, to make men. When your dad plays his role and puts that masculine voice of praise into your heart, it makes you indestructible.
Now, like many men and myself, we’ve never heard “I’m proud of you.” We’ve never heard “I love you” from our dads. Some of us didn’t meet our dads. Some of us don’t know our dads. There’s an absence because of that, and some people get into alcohol, drugs, sex, and all kinds of addictive behaviors, trying to medicate that need in their heart.
In the same way, there is a place in your wife’s heart that only you, as her lover, her friend, and her spouse, can speak to directly. When you learn this is your sacred, private place, where you can really build her confidence up, and tell her how amazing and smart she is, you can really elevate your relationship. What you say during sex can make a huge difference. What you don’t say, can make a huge difference. If you’re one of those men who are disconnected, who’s in fantasy world, your wife feels that, she feels alone, inadequate, and disconnected. You can actually teach her to not even want to be sexual because it’s empty and lonely for her, and she feels used.
Thousands of women have told me their husbands are so immature and disconnected during sex. They don’t talk to them and it feels like an act that could be anybody. If you’re doing that with your wife or partner, you definitely want to keep reading because you could really make sex powerful for her, where she wants to go to that place with you.
Now that I have your attention, I want to share with you the three words. They are not “more, more, more.” Now, “more, more, more” might work for you as a guy, but it will not work for your wife. If you do “more, more, more,” it’s going to feel like there’s “not enough, not enough, not enough,” and you never want your wife to feel that.
When you started a job guys, you were just trying to figure it out. Go back into your younger years, when you started a new job and didn’t feel confident in it. Then you got time, practice, and you started getting some confidence. If your boss was nurturing and encouraging, then you started getting creative. Sex goes the same way: some awkwardness, confidence, and then creativity. A lot of guys want their wives to be creative sexually, without giving them confidence or nurturing them emotionally. In which case, they won’t be confident sexually.
These three words are the beginning of that process. The three words are “you satisfy me.” You want to give them to her outside and inside the bedroom. So, let’s start inside the bedroom and then work our way out. The next time you have an opportunity to be sexual, and you’re in in the moment, I want you to just pause and look her right in the eye and say, “You satisfy me. I am so fulfilled. I couldn’t ask for anymore. You’re an amazing lover, and I just want you to know that I’m so satiated with you, as a lover.”
The first time you do that, she may literally cry. It’s like the first time your dad said, “I’m proud of you.” because you might be married 10, 20, 30 years, and have never told her you’re satisfied. You’ve asked her for more. You’ve asked her for different. You’ve asked her for all this creative stuff, but you haven’t put the confidence in her to be able to really want to try.
Even if she cries, you’ll be able to fulfill the rest of the sex act. I’ve never had that shut it down. It will make her feel, “Oh my gosh, I’m enough? You don’t need anything. You don’t need images. You don’t to lust after other people. You just want me? I am enough?” You can assure her by saying, “Yes, you’re more than enough. You’re amazing. You’re an awesome lover. I’m so fulfilled.” I can tell you, when that gets into her heart, and she really believes you are fulfilled with her, the fun begins. You have to build confidence in your wife, in your partner. You have to build them up sexually. Very rarely does a woman feel innately confident, sexually. There are some, but that’s more the exception to the rule.
You also want to edify her outside the bedroom as well. Maybe she’s doing something around the house and you say, “Hey honey, come here, sit down.” You’re on the sofa together and you say, “Listen, I really want you to know I am sexually satisfied with you. I am just so fulfilled sexually. I’m so happy with our sex life. I’m so pleased with it, and I just wanted to let you know.”
Now, there’s one guideline, guys: do not ask her for sex that night. Do not let her think that you are trying to manipulate her into sex by saying that, because if you do, she will discount it. She’ll think you read some book somewhere. And if you want a book, read my book “The Five Sex Languages.” That’s the best book on this subject.
Do not ask for sex after edifying her. Then another time, maybe another week or two later, same situation, “Honey, come here, sit down, listen. You know, I was thinking about having sex with you today, and I’m still fulfilled from our last encounter. I just want you to know that I’m still fulfilled. I’m sexually satisfied. This is a great way to live. I’m so content with you sexually that I don’t even need to make love to you tonight.” Again, do not ask for sex. Now, if she jumps you, that’s fair, but don’t hint, don’t fondle. Let it just sit in her heart. Let her begin to soak in your sexual satisfaction. “That you satisfy me, sexually. You are an amazing lover and I am content, sexually.”
I can tell you most women have never felt the confidence of a satiated man, and when they do, they actually grow sexually. That is what they need—that you are content. You’re satisfied and you don’t want fifteen other positions, or another conversation about her not being enough. If you’re not having enough sex, you can walk through my post, “Creating a Sexual Agreement.” Our blog is full of helpful ideas for you to have great love and sex today.
I want you to go to loveandsextoday.com, subscribe there, and find a free chapter to one of my books. Subscribe to us on iTunes and write a review on this topic. Tell me if it works. I’ve had this work for thousands of people, but your comment helps others learn about the possibilities. Share this post with your friends. One of you who write a review will be selected for a private conversation with me, where we can accelerate an area of your life.
Remember, always have great love and have great sex, today.
The book mentioned in this podcast, 5 Sex Languages, is available at http://www.drdougweiss.com/5-sex-languages